Q:

My fiancé and I have will have been engaged for two years on Xmas day. I try to show him that I love him but he’s very distant. He doesn’t kiss or cuddle me, and he can praise me at times or put me down!

He goes to a pub near by and i don’t mind him going but it’s practically all the time. He has triplets with his ex and i feel as if I’m not good enough for them all including my partner. I love him dearly. When we make love he’s passionate but when we’ve finished he turns his back from me and i feel used.

What can I do? I want to be with him but I can’t take any more rejection!

I was in a violent relationship for 6 years before and I have got 3 kids by my ex. They live with my parents but they are split up. My daughter is coming back to us and she sleeps 3 nights a week. If she does wrong he can’t stop having a go at her.

What I do?

A:

The first impression I get from reading your letter is that you feel rejected by everyone around you. Your partner rejects you and you do not have your children around you to raise your spirits.

You also feel like you are not good enough. You have had one broken relationship and I think you are worried about it happening again.

I always say that family members are the most important people in our lives. They are the ones who will love us unconditionally. If your partner isn’t supporting you as you try to re-build your relationship with your daughter so that she can live with you again then you need to cut your ties with him and be there for your daughter and your other children. Your kids are the ones who matter the most and you need to make them your priority.

If you are sure that your partner is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with then you need to sit him down and tell him everything you have told me. Relationships only work if the people involved are honest with each other.

Ask him to cut down on his trips to the pub, have more patience with your children and be more loving with you. If he truly wants to marry you then these requests will not be a problem for him.

You also need to build up your self-confidence and start to respect yourself again. You previous violent relationship will have taken away all of your self-respect and you need to start re-building your mental strength. Don’t let your fiancé get away with putting you down. This is not what loving partners do and will stop you recovering from the past. Tell yourself that you deserve love and respect and start to expect it from the people around you.